The Petstore
by Teal Phoenix
Summary: Bakura killed Yugi's fish and now Ryou's taken him to Petsmart to get new ones! What happens when Malik and Marik drop in to get a cat and the yamis meet up? Utter chaos, as usual.


AN: This is why you shouldn't let me stay up until 2am to write humor, it comes out bad. T_T

Disclaimer: Me no own and you no sue, for I have nothing of value! (That kinda rhymed! XD)

* * *

"Why did I have to come along!?" The spirit of the Millennium ring whined indignantly as his hikari dragged him towards the pet store by the wrist. Even with sneakered heels dug into the asphalt of the parking lot Ryou managed to move his Yami with little trouble.

"It's you're fault that Yugi's fish are dead, and I don't trust you home alone after the whole Yo-Yo deal. Besides, Malik couldn't come over to babysit you." This was spoken in a strained voice, as Ryou had been through this three times prior with Bakura. For some reason the yami seemed to think that if he whined enough he'd be let off the hook for murdering twelve civilians and mentally scarring the Pharaoh before the police arrived and it was grating on the small teen's nerves. He _still_ didn't know why Bakura and Marik weren't on death row but it probably had something to do with the pile of police badges Ryou had found under Bakura's bed.

"But _Ryou_ they're just _fish!_ The midget can deal with losing fish!" His pleas fell upon deaf ears as Ryou pulled his struggling darker half through the automatic doors of the Petsmart. Curiously enough, the struggles ceased about three feet into the establishment. Ryou turned his head to look at his yami.

He was gone. In his place was a small black Labrador pup which Ryou had his hand clutched around the collar of. It looked up at him pathetically before licking his hand. "BAKURA!!" He yelled, upsetting a few parakeets and most of the dogs in the training area.

~*~

Bakura had run off in search of something to entertain him, more specifically: the snakes. He turned into an aisle filled with cat condos and stared at one in particular.

It had eight large carpeted platforms arranged in a step-like pattern. One of the middle platforms was connected to a slightly higher one by means of a carpeted bridge. On the other side of said bridge was a small house-like compartment and on the other side of that (looking out to the other side of the aisle) was a small bird with a bell around its neck that swung ever-so-slightly. It was the thing that caught Bakura's attention and he moved towards it slowly.

Inch by inch and with groundbreaking new levels of concentration Bakura put an arm through the compartment and batted cautiously at the bird. It jingled a bit and he hit again lightly before looking around. No one was nearby so he let out a small giggle of amusement and began batting at it with more aggression. Soon he tired of only lightly hitting the bird and decided to get closer.

The compartment was large enough that his arm was already stretched to the fullest, so Bakura decided that to get closer to his prize he'd have to lean into the cat condo's small house to reach. He stepped up onto the raised show area a few inches off the ground with little difficulty and managed to get his head and shoulders into the thing before noting with minor annoyance that he was stuck.

Bakura squirmed around a bit, trying to wriggle free of his carpeted prison to no avail. One word made it past his lips.

"...Fuck..."

~*~

"But _Malik_, I don't _wanna_ get Ishizu another cat! I ate the last one for a _reason_!"Marik writhed about in pain from Malik's iron grip on his forearm.

"Well do you want to be grounded for _another_ year when she finds out what happened to Nocturne?" Malik hissed to his yami. The larger of the two blonds shook his head wildly and Malik nodded. "Good, then we just have to replace her before Ishizu gets back and no one will be the wiser." He loosed his grip on the yami but continued to tug him towards the Petsmart. He had thought he had seen Ryou's car here, but there was no 'Bakura waz heer' key scratched into the passenger side door so he must have been mistaken.

The doors opened softly and in stepped the Ishtars, Malik finally relinquished his grasp on Marik's arm and the large yami was rubbing his arm to get the feeling back.

"Look, I'm going to go look for a cat you go get one of toys for it so we can explain to Ishizu why we 'took Nocturne to the store,' okay?" Malik spoke slowly, trying to get the information through his yami's thick head. Marik nodded slowly, and increased his head's speed as the knowledge actually imprinted itself in his mind. Malik smiled. "Good. Now go. I'll meet you back here in half an hour, alright?" Marik nodded and rushed off.

~*~

"Kitties, kitties, kitties!" Marik sang happily, having forgotten his previous aversion to the feline family due to the threat of two years of being stuck in the house without the millennium rod. He skipped through the store and gaining more than a few odd glances, turning down the cat-condo aisle Marik stopped as he spotted a large structure with a tuft of white hair sticking out.

"Kitty?" He muttered to himself as he made his way over to it. He cocked his head to the side and brushed away the the hanging bird to poke the hair. It twitched and he squealed and stuck his hand into the compartment to pet the 'cat' better. "Kitty!"

There was a ferocious roar and a wail of pain that echoed throughout the entire building. Unfortunately for the unsuspecting shoppers, both hikaris were too engrossed in their own activities to notice. Marik whipped back his hand from the mouth of Bakura who had finally lifted his head to face the other yami.

"Whaddaya want?" He growled, trying to be as intimidating as one could be while bent over and stuck inside what was essentially a fluffy cat toy.

Marik blinked, then blinked again as he attempted to swallow the knowledge that _yes_, his partner in crime was stuck in a cat condo and _yes_ he appeared to be glaring at the hanging bird. When both of these thoughts reached his brain, he did the only thing he could and burst out laughing.

Marik collapsed against the wall as tears came to his eyes and he lost the ability to stand.

"It's not funny jackass!" Bakura yelled at him, his patented death glare set for 'kill.'

"Y-you're stuck i-in a c-ca-" He was unable to finish his statement due to the wave of mirth that caused him to let out another round of chuckles, he managed to calm down enough to finish his sentence. "A cat condo! That's hilarious!" He muffled a few more snickers and wiped his eyes before standing up.

"Yeah, I know, shut up." Bakura wiggled around some more. "Now that you're here, make yourself useful and get me out of this thing."

Marik nodded. As funny as this was, if Bakura was stuck forever that meant no more terrorizing the elderly or pelting couples with rocks and broken bottles. He went behind Bakura and grabbed his legs. "On three."

Bakura attempted to whip around to give Marik an outraged look, but due to his position he only achieved twisting his arms into even less comfortable positions and hitting his head on the edge of the tube. "Hold o-"

"Three!" Marik gave a mighty heave and ripped the tomb robber from the clutches of the condominium and onto the floor. They landed in a heap with Bakura's chin and arms a fairly painful shade of red, Marik took notice of this as he scooted out from under the pale spirit. "Whoops."

"Yeah, 'whoops' is right." the whitenette rubbed the sore skin and stood. Marik quickly hopped up next to him.

"So what now?"

"I have a few ideas."

All who saw the combined smirks on their faces shuddered in fear.

~*~

45 minutes later Malik and Ryou had met up with each other just in front of the Petsmart building and had been chatting for a few minutes before their conversation was interrupted by a loud explosion. Turning to face each other, they nodded and rushed back inside.

The scene they were met with would cause physicists and chemists to rethink the laws that so rigidly defined the world for years to come and would supply the psychologists of the world thousands of dollars in therapy bills.

All of the lizards and rodents had been let out of their cages, and while the majority of the mice were gone, several could be seen riding upon the backs of snakes and a few were atop parakeets and dive-bombing lizards. The floor was covered in catnip and fish-flakes, and all of the pet food seemed to be scattered around the store due to the explosion. The source of the miniature big-bang was the store's boiler, which had been brought up to the main floor and fiddled with until it blew, all that remained of the once proud and slightly dinged-up piece of equipment was now a smoking crater in the middle of the kibble aisle.

As the hikaris gaped they were soon made aware of two off-key voices singing the Meow-Mix theme song in perfectly awful harmony.

"I want chicken, I want liver, Meow Mix Meow Mix please deliver!" Their heads whipped to the side to see Bakura and Marik skipping merrily through the chaos with linked arms. Marik paused for a moment as he caught sight of Malik and waved. "Hi hikari! I got Meow Mix!" He held the surprisingly intact bag of cat food up high.

With no hesitation whatsoever, the light sides began to chase around their respective partners who in turn fled, pelting them with kibble until the cops arrived.

All four were grounded for three months by Ishizu. Marik and Bakura still agree that it was totally worth it.

* * *

Blowing up a Petsmart is always worth it. Always.

Review and I'll give cookies! *shakes the bag enticingly* They're freshly baked!


End file.
